A Little Background

November 8, 2010

If this is your first visit to my blog, I suggest you read a few posts to catch up on how this all started.

My very first post: I would Like to Have a Drink With Sandra Bullock

Some of my other posts I think give the most background:

You may want to check out my “Texts I’m Not Sending” as well.

In the comments section of this post, please feel free to ask me anything….


Just saw he “liked” the lyrics to a WHAM song that one of his stripper friends posted. What a fucking loser. He never even looked at photos of his own kids on facebook, but on his little blog, he takes the time to “like” WHAM lyrics.  LOL. I know it’s catty – but for those of you who know Scott… please, please laugh with me here. Meanwhile, had I even suggested listening to a WHAM song while we were married, he would have laughed at me.  ASS HOLE!!

I thought it was subsiding. But now, I am furious all over again.

I think it’s because he’s back in NOLA, and I got wind that his Facebook status says he’s “getting a new tattoo” “going to the 3rd floor with a stripper at the Penthouse Club” and making dates with Burlesque dancers.

After I heard of this, I became so angry and started frantically cleaning out closes, took a xanax, posted “texts I’m not sending” and called the Divorce Coach. After speaking with the Coach, she agreed that his behavior is inconsiderate and insensitive for someone who is trying to have an amicable/collaborative divorce, and would set up a meeting with us for next week. I felt a teeny bit better.  Throughout the course of the day, I became angry again, and I did end up sending a few texts. I know I’m not supposed to, but I had to call him out on some of his behavior!!

I know this is technically none of my business anymore, since we are separated and in the process of divorcing, but I am simply thoroughly disgusted. Why would he advertise this information on facebook? Couldn’t he be more discreet? He wants to have a somewhat amicable and a collaborative divorce… how does advertising his indiscretions his sleazy activities promote amicability? I am blocked from his FB profile, so who is he trying to “impress” with this information?  Especially, since when we were together, he used to make fun of facebook, and indicated it was too annoying for him, and didn’t like everyone to know his business, and didn’t care to read about everyone else’s. Why the chnage?!?!

Doesn’t he realize that the 20+ year old girls would NOT be hanging out with my 44 year old husband if he didn’t have a corporate AmEx?  It’s like he’s renting friends who make him feel good about himself.

What a pathetic loser, and what a fucking sucker.  He spent over $12,000 on a stripper who wouldn’t even fuck him (supposedly… like Bill Clinton he “did not have sex with that woman”.)  Isn’t he embarrassed? How can he justify spending that much money on a stripper, but canceled the timeshare that we “couldn’t afford” that would ensure years of vacations with our children? How fucked up can his priorities be?!?!

The worst part about this is that my poor beautiful children are stuck with a pathetic, low-life, classless,  cowardly, insensitive, weak, selfish, sleazebag, drunk for a father. My heart aches for them. They deserve so much better. Does he really think he’s good enough for them? Would he be happy if one of our daughters married a guy like him?

I thought  this furious feeling was starting to go away, and now i have it all over again.  How can I make it go away!!! I want to feel normal and move on… how long will it take before I don’t care how disgusting he is?!?!?

CLICK HERE to see updated “Texts I’m Not Sending”

I’ve always liked lists, and I was thinking of all the things I would like to make sense of, so I’ve made a list…

1) At what point did Scott decide he was unhappy with me? Since he never gave me any indication that he was unhappy with me, I have no idea how long he’s actually been thinking about leaving me.  He bought a timeshare with me 2 weeks before he left me… was he unhappy then?  He agreed (seemingly willingly and happily) to have a baby with me about three years ago, and it took a few years a some fertility counseling to get pregnant.  Was he happy with me then?  Once I got pregnant, I had a very uncomfortable and exhausting pregnancy…. is that what did it? Josie would never take a bottle, I couldn’t be away from her for more than a 5 hour period of time for 15 months.  It was very hard on me… and a bit depressing.  Is that what did it? Seriously… I would like to know. It seems to me, he decided he was unhappy when he started dating this girl.  Although, he insists that leaving me had nothing to do with this girl… he was simply didn’t want to be married anymore.  Does he just not want to be married in general?  Or, just not married to me?

2) How can he walk around and face people? If I were the one who did this, i would be so embarrassed by my own actions, I don’t think I could face anyone for a long time. Tiger Woods style… go into hiding. He seems to be walking around all smug and unaffected.  At the very least, i tink i would miss my kids so much I would go into a deep depression.  Is he so detached from me and the kids he can simply act like nothing has happened to him? How can he look in the mirror? How can he justify this behavior?

3) Why would he spend soooo much of OUR money on this girl? In my estimation, he spent about $12,000 over the course of a 3 month period he was interested in this girl. That’s only the money I have uncovered. There was a $3000 transfer to her bank account for god knows what.  He asked his secretary to find her a hotel in another city for a 2 week period and to put it on his AmEx, I saw the hotel charge, it was a $200 / night place, so that’s another $2800. I saw a $400 charge to Victorias secret.  I saw a $1500 necklace purchase.  I saw THOUSANDS of dollars at the strip club she works at, at least 15,000 there alone.  (I thinks some of it is considered a “business expense ” – which is pathetic – but is at leats reimbursed to him).   He insists he never actually had sex with her (he and Bill Clinton “I did not have sex with that woman”), although for that much money, I have trouble believing that. If it’s true…. than he’s more of an idiot than I thought.

I guess these are the main things that are bothering me the most at this point. I may never have the answers. How do I move on from here without these answers?  I guess I need to focus on myself, and what would make me happy (other than knowing the answers to the questions above).  It’s so surreal to me to be in this position where I am suddenly forced to re-think my entire life.  My past, my present, and my future. Will I ever be able to trust another man? Will I even meet another man? It’s been years since I’ve dated or flirted… I feel very out of practice.  How do I start that process? I wish a guy friend would take me on a practice date.